If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I think we might need a safe word for this...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
