make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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