You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
