the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
