I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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