I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
