yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
