I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
