So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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