My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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