We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She bit a glass in half.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
