Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
