So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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