The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
