My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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