Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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