But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
