he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
