she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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