Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
