you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Randomize
