did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
