A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
