I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
