You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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