Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
