would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
