I need to stop coming to work sober
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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