I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
