While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
