hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
