Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
