Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
