proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
