am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
