My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
