I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
there was a trapeze. enough said
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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