ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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