you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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