don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
