Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
