can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
