Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
