she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
