i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
