just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
