this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
