I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
