the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
