Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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