went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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