If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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