I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
